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In the past few months, my days were filled with stress…disappointment…exhaustion and bad mood. At times, I do feel like a lousy mother who does not seem to enjoy the motherhood. Often, I question myself if I am good enough for my dauther? Am I the only woman in this world who complains and endlessly feels frustrated? Why can’t I embrace the challenges that motherhood brings upon me? Why? Why? Why? And Why?
I am never shy to admit that I struggle at balancing my life as a mother, a wife and a working woman. I started this blog back in June 2010 when my daugther was 18 months old with a hope to use this blog as an outlet and find my balance in life.
Here I am as of May 2012....after 3 years my little bundle of joy joined our family, I am still struggling...no kidding.....
Now come to think of all my struggles – Why am I not happy? What exactly I was trying to achieve? What “balance” I was expecting to get?
Good questions, aren’t they?
Why am I not happy?
Because I am physcially exhausted…
Because I have never had a day off from motherly duties…
Because I am sick and tired of having a semi-single mom lifestyle…(how can you single parents survive?!?!??!)
Because my husband and I never get to have the “normal” family time that other families have…
Because our little one is getting a bit too stubborn and challenging mama to the point where I can "barely" handle these days…
What exactly I was trying to achieve?
I want to be happier…
I want to be in a better mood…
I want to be a happy and energetic mother to my daughter…
I want to spend more time with my husband…
I want to have a babysitter who can help when we need a break…
I want my daughter to always listen and do what I tell her to do…. (hello and wake up!!)
After asking and answering those questions, I came to realize that “I” am the problem. The problem that I have had all these years is that “I” don’t learn to adapt to the changes that family life and motherhood have brought and “I” set way too many unrealistic expectations.
I have been trying to go against a tide of changes which requires too much effort and stress. At the end I will lose the battles and drown in the ocean.
Imagine swimming in a rough ocean, wouldn’t it be easier to swim with the flow of waves rather than swimming against them?
All these years, I have been swimming in that ocean trying to go against the flow….
.....I know I can't change eveything in this world but one thing I know I can change - "my attitudes".....
I have to learn to embrace those changes…
I have to stop thinking that I am exhausted because it will make me even more exhausted...
I have to let go of my unrealistic expectations…
I have to live with today and enjoy every tiny bit of time that we have as a family…
I have to change…and look at those challenges in a more positive way…
We are blessed to have a roof over our heads…food to cherish our bodies…
We are blessed to be in good health….
We are blessed to have each other’s company…
We are blessed to have a true companion who stays through the bad times…
We are blessed to have time in this world to expereince life and the beauty of it…
We are blessed to have someone to love and someone who loves us…
You will let go of unrealistic expectation…anger…despair and negative enemies…
You will live your life to the fullest…
You will embrace every challenge and change that life brings…without them, life has no meanings…
Being a mom is the hardest job -- and you work for free. But it's worth it. I'm sure you'll balance well between mom, work and everything in between.
ReplyDeleteI know it's so much easier to say then done but I know you can do it!!!! being a mother is one tough full time job and it's just so much harder when you have already have a full time job as a wife and working mother.
ReplyDeleteHappy belated mothers day Nelah!
Happy Mother's Day! It's tough being a mom. You have to deal with a different challenge at every phase of your child's life. The guilt will always be there. You'll always feel whether you're doing the right thing or not. I have a couple of books given to me with tips about bringing up a confident daughter. The most important thing is that you're doing the best you can and you love your little girl.
ReplyDeleteI never know what to say on topics that I have no experience in b/c I don't want to come across as preaching, so please take my thoughts with a grain of salt. I think every parent goes through what you're going through Nelah. Some maybe more often than others. I know life isn't all rainbows and sunshines but there are people out there who certainly likes to paint life that way. Kudos to you for doing self reflection because that takes guts to admit that you are the root of it all. I don't know what I could say to make you feel better, but hold your head up high and think of all the wonderful times in your life as a mom when you're feeling down. I'm sure the positives outweigh the negatives at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteHappy belated mother's day to you!
From what I read, I always believe that you have the capability to juggle all these, albeit not in stride but you would and could do it eventually.
ReplyDeleteIt's very hard to be a working mother especially if you do not have additional help. In Singapore, it is common to have domestic helpers, in laws' help or day care centres for working mothers esepcially in such a small country where everything is readily accessible. It is especially tough on you that your hubby is seldom around too.
I'm glad to hear that at least, you've discovered the source of the problem which is your mentality and that after learning to embrace everything and change your mindset, things would fall in place more easily. The only huge obstacle would be the changing of mentality itself. It is a little like what I shared in my previous post about happiness. They are all common sense but rather difficult to practise at times.
I hope you manage to embark on this learning journey and gain lots of experience from it as life is about the journey and not the destination.
love this post. finding that balance is hard, especially if you feel like a single parent most of the time. the saving grace for our family is that my husband and i split everything right down the middle - house chores and child-rearing. we came to this agreement about 2yrs ago and it has saved my sanity! i think mothers take on a lot more and all the child-rearing seems to fall on us.
ReplyDeletei've also learned to let go of things namely, my control-freak tendencies when it comes to caring for my child. that was very liberating too; to allow someone like my husband, my inlaws or even my daycare provider to take care of kayla. i had to come to the realization that although they won't care for kayla exactly the same way that i do it, as long as she's protected, secure and happy, that's all that matters.
another thing that could definitely prevent you from coping properly is the fact that you're so tired. when you don't have enough sleep, it's hard to think straight. try and get some rest mama!
hugs xoxox
kathy
I think it's really hard to admit things aren't right, admit you might be part of the problem (instead of blaming the world around you) and set some goals to help improve your life. Says a lot about you.
ReplyDeleteMy friends who are moms have told me that being one is often a thankless job yet also the most rewarding. It's good that you've come to certain realizations which is often the hardest obstacle. I think your new attitude will be quite rewarding. Good luck Nelah!
ReplyDeleteRowena @ rolala loves
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Beginning a mother is never easy. You have many responsibilities and never seem to have a time off. It's hard for people to admit that they are the source of the problem. The fact that you are aware of your short comings makes you a wonderful mom. I wish you the best. Just remember that you are a great mom because you are doing the best you could to raise your daughter.
ReplyDelete